dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
