doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize