Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
