if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
