i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
