I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
