That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You ruined the universe
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
