return my video game
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize