His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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