just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize