I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
