I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
