drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
