Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
