all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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