I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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