when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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