I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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