my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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