I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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