just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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