my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
