i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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