I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
