I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
