Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
