The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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