Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
