i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
