I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
