I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
