Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
