Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
