Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
