hotel room ftw
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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