You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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