4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize