i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize