I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Found the puke drawer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
