batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
