I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
