i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
