That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
