I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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