I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
