If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
