Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I believe in your delicious
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
