I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
