thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
