If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
