Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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