he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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