my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
