My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
