I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
