I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
