I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
