Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
