OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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