I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
