I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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