shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
