So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
