Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
