I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will pee on everything he values.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
