Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
