I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
