Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
